Monday 21st June 2004
Yay: another double entendre. Seven days since I bothered to write a What's New, and I've got something nice and time critical to post here now. This:
USCode 18.875: Interstate Communications
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
Within the Theocratic States of Duhmerica, this law usually only applies to such criminals as BangBang, but, Rumsfeld's idiotic admonition that the US won't tolerate countries which harbour terrorists [like, say, whichever one is harbouring Pat Robertson] aside, the fact of the matter is that Believe or Burn equates exactly to the intent to extort a belief of perceived value in a communication containing a threat to injure the person.
At this point, you've got about as much information as I have. I woke up five minutes ago, and this popup was waiting on my screen. Of course, I looked into things a bit already. Specifically, I hit http://profiles.yahoo.com/sweetheartfairy505 to figure out what illiterate terrorist was spamming me with this bullshit.
The chinless wonder: 'sweetheartfairy505'
And what to my focussing eyes should download, but a pretentious, deplorable, little goth choad. With a message devoid of all commas and wit, I knew in a moment it must be a twit. Meretricious as Shakespeare, that oversung bard; I developed a profile for this goofy 'tard: resplendent in darkness, or so she might suppose, as she trolls the 'net yarfing out misspelled prose, beleaguering sleeping and idle intellectuals, to ameliorate above boring bisexuals; okay, I admit I'm not real poetic, and reside just above the truly pathetic--if a Clement Clarke Moore spoof begins to bilk then I can always just stoop to plagiarising DeadMilkmen.
What can I say: nothing really rhymes with DeadMilkmen....
Anyway: the countdown has begun. According to this imbecile, I've got until 28th June 2004. Well, unless, by posting a screenshot of this idiocy, I've effectively copied the message, thusly dodging the Grim Reaper. Before you die: you will see The Suck.
Still, I'm curious. What in hell was this idiot trying to accomplish with this? Besides getting A) ignored, B) explosed, and C) laughed at by the 'net at large. Not that the question is exclusive to this particular plebeian. I tend to wonder that every time I encounter this sort of hapless terrorist.
I especially wonder about the trolls in the chatroom. For those just tuning in, I'm typically at least idle in the chat.yahoo.sux userroom Atheists v Christians, which, of course, began as Theist v Atheist Debate but got changed, over the years, to this new misnomer, largely because we kept getting hit with such erudition as im not a thiest im a CHRISTIAN from the plaintiffs. In fact: I was idle in the Atheists v Illiterates room when this new threat came in; so it's probably somehow related.
Still begging the question: what are these morons trying to accomplish? As it is, in the event that Pascal's Lottery actually produces the biblical bogeyman, of all deities, I've got a watertight excuse ready for it: Sorry, YodHehVavHeh, but scotsmantroll convinced me that only lying morons believed in you.
The YodHehVavHeh, incidentally, was the primary biblical deity among the Elohim--this committee of HeavenEarth constructorlords in Genesis. The subsection in the biblical compendium, not the band occasionally featuring Peter Gabriel and Phill Collins. Other names for the YodHehVavHeh were, of course, Yahweh, Jehovah, and, explicitly, Jealous. Which I'll probably have to prove now, since it's too laughable to take seriously without, like, 'biblical evidence'--a nonsequitur on its own....
Exodus 34.14: For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God
I'm not sure why lord is always, like, LORD, in the bible. Maybe it's an acronym for Losers' One Ridiculous Deity, or something.
In any case, the question remains. Apart from violating everything from Matthew 10.5 [These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not], I Thessalonians 5.21 [Prove all things; hold fast that which is good], and I Peter 3.15 [But sanctify the Lord God in you hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear]--and, half the time, Exodus 20.16 [Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour]--I don't see what these idiots are trying to accomplish by spamming us with their makebelieve.
Granted, it's immaterial. Even if the bible were some sort of prophesy, it wouldn't do these idiots a lot of good. Revelation 14.1-3: And I looked, and, lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Sion, and with him an hundred forty and four thousand, having his Father's name written in their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of a great thunder: and I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps: And they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders: and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth.
The dumbed-down translation, in deference to christworshippers: the only people who ever got into heaven, in the bible, were 144,000 undefiled jewish males. Period.
Oh, and when did this happen? Let's go ask Uncle Jeepers: But I tell you of a truth, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the kingdom of God. --Jeepers, in Luke 9.27.
Is it me, or is there a certain similarity between some of you guys standing here in AD33 will live to see the Ragnarok and smoke all you want your gonna die in seven days? Idiots never die; they're just recycled.
So. Harmless though it might be for these twerps to ignore the biblical prevarication that the only 144,000 people to be 'saved' went to heaven during the first century, I'm still left wondering what in East Hell these morons are trying to pull off by bothering me [and anyone else they can spam] with their baseless, illegal believe-or-burn terrorism.
And it is, in fact, illegal. Here's something from a real lawbook regarding, in this instance, the believe-or-burn whimper:
Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication containing any demand or request for a ransom or reward for the release of any kidnapped person, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than twenty years, or both.
Whoever, with intent to extort from any person, firm, association, or corporation, any money or other thing of value, transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication containing any threat to kidnap any person or any threat to injure the person of another, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than twenty years, or both.
Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication containing any threat to kidnap any person or any threat to injure the person of another, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.
Whoever, with intent to extort from any person, firm, association, or corporation, any money or other thing of value, transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication containing any threat to injure the property or reputation of the addressee or of another or the reputation of a deceased person or any threat to accuse the addressee or any other person of a crime, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both
At a higher level, with the Patriot Joke in place, it equates to a jihad. conform to our theism or be harmed.
That Believe or Burn is a feckless, empty threat shouldn't make any legal difference, unless the terrorist issuing the threat gets that it's feckless and empty, thus removing the intent in the first place, and thus instead turning the threat into a halfassed example of bearing false witness against thy neighbour, which would be approximately par.
So, again: granting that no one could ever take these SpEds seriously in the first place, are they trying to get arrested, or just assure us that their religion is a sad little joke practised only by terroristical imbeciles? I'd ask them, but I'm too sesquipedalian to get the point across. Which is to say that I tend not to use possessive determiners as verbs.
Maybe there's really nothing to figure out. Maybe it's just that simple. Maybe the simple fact that christianity is the shortbus of theism explains it all. Maybe these people are simply too dumb to regard as bipeds.
I guess I'll go ahead and assume that until new evidence is discovered.
And if I were to end up in, of all places, hell for declining to buy into any deity represented by two billion illiterate morons...I guess that would be fair; I tend to end up at lakes without a PocketFisherman for similar reasons, after all.
More later....
--Gremlin