This pus filled whore's blossom of the internet
When I clicked on the above link (nevermind the way I started this post), I was treated to half a webpage. After a brief second, I found the scrollbar to the right, and decided to check on whether what I was looking at was a messageboard, a news section, or something equally as often updated with new content. Unfortunately, it was not, and furthermore, despite my slapping myself in the forehead, I had gotten a glimpse into the website itself.
Now, there are some people out there that feel that one font on a webpage simply isn't enough; that in order to accurately convey one's message, two, three, or sometimes, if one is simply a decorative font, four fonts are required. I normally disagree with this premise, typically using two fonts at the most (as is, technically, the case here, with my green post following a white font), but this time I'll make an exception. It seems appropriate, after all, to point out that YOU DON'T NEED NINETEEN DIFFERENT FONTS ON A WEBPAGEin a font the webpage's author would understand. However, since I felt this pressing need to know some vague and undefined thing about dreams that I could only get from this dream dictionary, that didn't even warrant the use of question marks, I moved onward.
So, what's the best way to navigate a typical website, I ask myself. Why, the navigation bar! That's why it's there, after all. So, clicking the first link that cathes my eye, I boldly click, and am transported to the dream realm of...
Land for sale in Tennesee!
Well, boy oh boy, I had really made it this time! While I've never personally dreamed of owning land in tennessee, I'm sure some poor drunkard hillbilly with less teeth than fingers has. Nevertheless, I can safely say that this was the best, most organized, and most well thought out, section of the site.
Wait, this isn't his website at all.
Heading back, driven only by the matter-of-fact statement "interested in dreams." I headed back, cursing myself for falling for the joke-navbar trick. I soon found out that the rest of the navbar was quite real, but only went to four out of the myriad of links that made up an area of the internet I like to call "the spamton zone".
I was getting desperate. I needed to show interest in dreams. I was getting ready to turn anywhere for help. Anywhere. Then, I found this guy.
Mr Jung can tell me all there is to know about dreams! All I have to do is click on Mr Jung, and he'll tell me Interested in dreams. Here I-
Oh no! I've just killed Mister Jung! Sparkly crap is flying from his head. Wait, maybe I can fix the problem if I right click. Oh no! More sparkly, pixelated, rainbow blood! Wait, a right click menu. Good. Okay, think. Think. What would MythsDreamsSymbols do in a situation like this? I know, open link. Stay right there, Mister Jung. I'll save you.
So, guided by destiny, I found another section of his site, and this time, I wasn't being offered land in Tennessee. However, Mr Jung must have deemed me unworthy to learn Interested in dreams, because what I got instead was a quick summation of the differences between four religions. Furthermore, what appeared to be helpful links in the tables telling me that Jesus had a "special relationship" with god, turned out to be more dead ends resulting from the liberal use of the underline tag. Sort of like that dream where you're running down a hallway perpetually, and when you run out of breath, you're still at a horrible mistake passing itself off as a website.
While this section was no doubt informative, and might hold information not yet known to a small family of retarded small-bus drivers, it still didn't have the answers I came in search of. So, I decided to scroll down.
Suddenly, that dream mentioned earlier became all to real as, relentlessly, I was being chased by a link from the top of the screen! I spun my mousewheel as hard as I could, using all the Marble Madness and Defender skills fifteen years of my life and billions of quarters had to offer, but it still caught up to me in the end. Giving in, I clicked, and was returned to the beginning of my spiritual journey. I say spiritual only in the alcoholic sense, for I had been downing shots of a disgusting cooking wine that was nearby in an effort to stay sane.
Finally, I found an escape hatch to looksmart.com, symbology that occurs often in dreams (well, with me it's usually here that I end up escaping to, but, and began to breath deeply.
However, my long nightmare, and Mister Jung's death, were not in vain; I am now the proud owner of some land down in Tennessee.
Someone kill me.