Posted by Gremlin [12.253.238.245 - 12-253-238-245.client.attbi.com] on 06 September 2002 at 22.00.36 ZuluTime:

In Reply to: Oh joy! Oh rapture! Oh frabjous day! posted by Teuf on 06 September 2002 at 17.01.08 ZuluTime:

I hadn't heard about this at all. Possibly because Mister Hovind isn't actually important enough to make the news in most cases.
     However, looking at this entire thing, a couple of things are pretty clear. For one thing, if he gets away with his assertion that, being a ministry, he's not required to adhere to governmental law [apparently including the IRS codes requiring him to be granted a Charitable Organisation status before claiming to be tax-exempt], things are going to change a lot in this country: any moron claiming to have a religion [id est:Damnitology] will be able to dodge any and all laws merely by claiming to be in charge of any random 'faith' after the fact. In a way, that might be optimal here.
     Anyway, having looked at all this, I have an offer for Mister Hovind....

Observed phenomena:

Most thinking people will agree that--
     1. Kent Hovind is an idiot.
     2. Kent Hovind is a fraud.
     3. Kent Hovind appears to be a criminal.

Known options:

Choices of how the observed phenomena came into being--
     1. Hovind has been a moron operating in an illegal manner all along.
     2. Hovind is an idiot who accidentally broke a few laws.
     3. Hovind is actually reasonably intelligent, and it's just dumb luck that he was finally caught breaking laws.

Hovind has been acclaimed as having a doctorate of education.

Doctorates are the result of education in accredited schools, and the approval of completed and submitted dissertations:
     1. Schools which teach something other than 'god did it'.
     2. Schools which are found in real buildings, and not a house designed by Mike Brady (This type of school is often referred to as a diploma mill.)
     3. Schools require all core classes to be passed satisfactorily, along with a number of specialised electives.
     4. Dissertations are required to be completed upon submission.
     5. Dissertations are available to the public for citation.

People believe that Hovind has a doctorate; they do not know that it is true. While beliefs are certainly fine to have, it is not fair to force on the people of the world the teaching that Kent Hovind is anything more than a fraud. It is my contention that Hovind's doctorate is a religious worldview that is not supported by science, Scripture, popular opinion, or common sense. The exclusive teaching of this dangerous, mind-altering philosophy in tax-supported schools, parks, museums, etc., is also a clear violation of the First Amendment.

     How to collect the Acquittal:
     Prove beyond reasonable doubt that the fact that Hovind is a criminal (option 3 above, under "known options") is not true. Only empirical evidence is acceptable. Persons wishing to collect the acquittal may submit their evidence in court or schedule time for a public presentation. A jury of average morons will provide peer review of the evidence offered and, to the best of their ability, will be fair and honest in their evaluation and judgment as to the validity of the evidence presented.

If you are convinced that Hovind is an indisputable law-abiding citisen, may I suggest that you offer $200,000 to the State of Florida to pursue the ongoing investigation. This might include the following:
     1. Hovind is not very smart (thus destroying the possibility of Hovind having intentionally and with malice aforethought committing these crimes).
     2. No moron has ever been observed changing into a doctor for attending a diploma mill.
     3. No one has ever observed Hovind spontaneously arriving at 100 Cummings Street without beating women.
     4. Criminals cannot make new laws up out of biblical scriptures.

     My suggestion:
     Proponents of the fraud of Hovind's doctorate would do well to admit that they believe in diploma mills, but they do not know that their doctorates are of any use in the real world. They should call Hovind their "cellmate" or "girlfriend," and stop including him in listings of accredited doctors. Give up faith in the silly religion of DrDino.com, and trust the Laws of the Country (which are the standards of legal precedent and will be your Judge, and mine, one day soon) to forgive you and to save you from the coming judgment on Hovind’s crimes.

* NOTE:
     When I use the word moron, I am not referring to the mental disorder found in people with mental ages from eight to twelve (clinical morons). I am referring to the general sort of idiot which could learn with a bit of effort and interest, but instead belives that:
     1. Fraud, burglary, assault, and battery are just side effects of spreading the word of a bogeyman.
     2. CSE ministries are not required to operate under the laws allowing them to be called a ministry.
     3. Hovind has a brain.
     4. Hovind learned anything of academic value in school.
     5. Major crimes (i.e., fraud, burglary, assault, and battery) are allowed by any known deity.

The above is a derivitave work of Hovind's idiotic and notorious $250,000 offer >:)