Posted by Damien [24.241.234.88 - c24.241.234.88.jvl.wi.charter.com] on 01 September 2003 at 00.55.02 ZuluTime:

In Reply to: Come to Papa posted by ChickeyTREAT on 31 August 2003 at 22.36.01 ZuluTime:

I'll let the people who are actually competent at programming (note, this doesn't include the creators on the piece of shit site in this thread) point out the glaring errors, deficiencies, and plain naivette in the actual coding of your site. On the other hand, the sloppiness, rather poor design, and the completely pathetic, pop-addled, unoriginal content are all well within my criticism boundaries.

>>I thought

I highly doubt that.

>> I'd drag

Let's see, nope, I don't see any of us being 'dragged' yet.

>> your

I do not belong to gremlin, none of the posters here do.

>> best and brightest posters

There are no 'best', nor are there any 'brightest'. No intelligence test out right now is an accurate measurement of how smart someone is. The only major difference in sophistication, intelligence, wit, etc. you can find at this site, comes from the moronic trolls who occasionally post here, however briefly.

>> to http://www.hitchworld1969.com

Ah yes, the site itself, what can I say? Well, quite a lot, and none of it is positive. Let's start with the disclaimer that pops up. Strangely enough, if I refuse to agree to the terms of it, and hit cancel, I'm still taken directly to the site. So technically, I could do or say whatever the hell I want in the site against the disclaimer, and you wouldn't have the legal ability to do jack shit.

On to the site itself, I'll start with the colours. Orange and aqua? Is this hitchworld1969.com, or a fan site dedicated to the Miami Dolphins? How about all the neat little moving pictures? Without scrolling I can see at least ten seperate ones. Here's a piece of advice... **Placing excessive amounts of moving jifs on your page makes you look like a geocities pagemaker newb.** ...granted, I have one or two on my page, but I'm not the one implying I'm a programming genious. You could write my knowledge of programming on the back of a pin and still have room for the chant of Cthulhu. Moving on, font colours. Ouch, the only thing I can compare it to is Boy George suffering a spaz attack. Hoping that the horrid design was a one page thing, I decided to try some of the many links. I tried a few more, and more, until finally I came across one that worked. Here's another piece of advice, **Don't troll your site if half the links don't work.** The final humiliation of the site, a mouse tail? Come on, tell me it isn't so.

Moving on, surely the people who made the site couldn't be worse than the site itself, right? Surely they were only a couple well-meaning newbies who only had the wrong ideas of what constituted 'quality', right? Hmm, let's see if the news/blog portion of the main page (It isn't labelled at all, so I'm having to guess here) can support that wild hope. A couple choice quotes from there...

"WHAT FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!"

Need I point out that multiple punctuation marks is a big no-no?

"That's kewl... I'm kewl... hitchWORLD© is kewl, and I am FUCKING proud of you. as ALWAYS. Every FUCKING one of you. "

Okay, being a bit of a social outcast myself, people might say that I'm not qualified to make this judgement. But fuck them, I'm making it anyways, saying 'kewl' over and over again is anything but cool.

"uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh u huh uhuh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uhuh uh uh uh uh "

I doubt this needs any comment, but seeing as how you were the one who is spamming the site, I'll point it out anyways. Three 'uhs' are more than enough, no matter what the situation.

"No more dudes diving out 120 story windows after having lost the "nest egg™"."

I'm assuming the author (I use the term loosely) was meaning to say 120th. I don't think there are many single sheets of glass that are over nine hundred feet high. Do I even want to ask why you have nest egg quoted and trademarked?

Skipping on to the forum section, I was immediately hit by the claim made about it: 420 mothergrabbin™ coolFOLK® have joined hitchWORLD1969© Discussion Forums since June 10, 2001. Obviously this was a hugely popular site, so I went and checked how many dozens of these members were on right now: Who's Online at the hitchWORLD© Forums »hitch1969© »Peter North »Eric Cartman »Evie »ChickeyTREAT Guests: 2 - Members: 5. ((Update, by the time I finished writing this, it had gone down to just two members.)) Perhaps you shouldn't be making claims about how popular your site is if none of the 'mothergrabbers' ever show up. Rest assured I'll be checking back several times over the next couple of days to see if I'm mistaken and only happened to hit the site during a slow period.

The actual forum itself. Ignoring the hidious script-kiddie mousetail, I looked over a few of the posts. This is what I came away with. A note should be made that none of these quotes were themselves in quotes on the board itself, so I'm assuming that these are the thoughts of the actual posters themselves...

From Susie Q: "How about a little cunt and paste here? Cause the lowly hitchworldians that don't go to rogaine bored have no clue what the thread says n' stuff, n' junk"

From edwardocatflappo: "ok.. I am going to use my ESP here, my sinth sense and I am going to tell you all that this next scene in star trek II is one of the finer. I wont do it justice by any mreans butt i will try. it is when kirk goes to spocks quarters and they talk about the mission at hand, also aboiut how they dislike dark people on the ship. h uh uh uh uh uh uhuh yep. I promise, they are razisrt in the star trejk,. here we gooooooooooooooooo!"

From Lily: "Location: windsor, co, usa JEsus fuckimng christ street you cocksucking homo. I say you fucking pervs should all be lined up and shot so you can get to hell quicker. you're worse than niggers i swear.

I only can say two things here. 1)The spell checker is your friend. 2)Grammar school, an investment in the future of your dignity.

Until I work up the courage to give the site a more in depth analysis, this is all I can give at the moment. Back to the post at hand...

>> and have my way with you,

If 'having your way' with us involves us briefly looking at the site, chuckling at the stupidity contained therein, and returning here, I guess you'd be right.

>> except that I've no time

Although you do have time to spam adverts for your own pathetic site? I highly doubt that.

>> to hook the tow truck up to this piece of gock board

...which is frequented by people you are not fit to lick crusted dog shit off the boots of.

>> you run here, on Matt's Script? Who runs that stuff anymore?