Posted by Gremlin [24.8.18.225 - c-24-8-18-225.client.comcast.net] on 05 April 2004 at 22.02.28 ZuluTime:

This is too dumb to deal with anymore.
     My laptop, which broke in January, which got further broken by JestBuy while they were defrauding me for four hundred bucks to replace a harddrive which, according to all known evidence, was never even replaced, was supposed to be fixed for the third and final time as of 30th March 2004. Right? Okay.
     Meanwhile, once it was fixed for the third and final time, they were supposed to call me and tell me about it. Right? Okay.
     They never did.
     Finally, on 2nd April 2004, by which point the thing should have been fixed and collected a decent layer of dust, I called them. In fact, I called them at 10.42 in the morning. Right? Okay.
     The imbecile on the phone muttered in something not quite English that the laptop was fixed, but they didn't have it. It was en route back to them from somewhere else. So he gave me a UPS tracking number: 1z9088583511440633. Right? Okay.
     Today, it occurred to me that, since I'm still waiting for anyone to call me about my laptop, I should have a look at ups.com to see where my laptop might me. Right? Okay.
     Found the laptop:

It's in Denver. At JestBuy. Where it's been since 29th March 2004. Right? Okay.
     I tried calling these morons to let them know that I was aware that they had in their possession my laptop, but they're not answering their phone, being dumb fucking criminals. Right? Okay.
     So. Now I'm driving over there to get either my laptop or arrested. I'll let you know which it turns out to be....
--Gremlin

UPDATE
     I finally got through. I wish I'd recorded that. It went like this.
     MORON: Danku fo colin BehBuy; how mah I elp'ou.
     GREMLIN: I've got a laptop in there for repairs.
     DUMBASS: Ogay, Sih; Whadis'or fonummah peas.
     GREMLIN: [insert phone number here]
     ASSHAT: Ah, ogay, Sih; dat has jus come in five minnows ago.
     GREMLIN: Yeah; I've got the tracking number invoice here; you got it in on May the twenty-ninth.
     FUCKNUT: Oh. Ogay.
     GREMLIN: So it's ready to go.
     BUTTSUCK: Oh, yessih; iddis r--
     GREMLIN: I'll be right there.