{"id":194,"date":"2021-11-23T14:45:31","date_gmt":"2021-11-23T21:45:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/?p=194"},"modified":"2021-11-23T22:28:24","modified_gmt":"2021-11-24T05:28:24","slug":"continent-of-morons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/2021\/11\/23\/continent-of-morons\/","title":{"rendered":"Continent of Morons"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I know: I&#8217;ve been away again. No huge reason for it, except that I&#8217;ve been really busy this year. Well&#8230;not <I>really<\/I> busy\u2014I&#8217;ve probably been less active than the average tollbooth worker operating part time. But I&#8217;ve had a lot going on, and little of it was adding anything to this site.<\/p>\n<p>Then, today, something happened. And we need to talk about it. Because it&#8217;s bad.<\/p>\n<p>This happened:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/NkEU6fC_nhY\" title=\"YouTube video player\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><BR><SMALL>This is a film of, by, and for morons.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>The sort of imbeciles who make films like this assure me that a picture is worth a thousand words. So let&#8217;s write a novel&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know anything about this film, except that it&#8217;s of, by, and for morons. So everything I can determine from that trailer is derived from chyrons and from knowing more about the Mesozoic than the morons who made this thing.<\/p>\n<p>On which topic&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd01.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>From the morons who brought you <I>Jurassic Ana to the Infinite Power<\/I> in 2018.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s get past the logo, and\u2014<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd02.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>It&#8217;s worth noting that this all occurs on the Mesozoic Tryhard Continent\u2014because it didn&#8217;t happen anywhere that ever actually existed.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Now that the logos are <I>actually<\/I> outta the way, we open on&#8230;this:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd03.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>I&#8217;m not sure which mountain range is partially blocking the rising sun, but the camera is west of it.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;re a few seconds into this thing, and I&#8217;m already suspecting that the mountains are meant to be the Rockies, as seen from, like, Las Vegas. I kept an eye on the sun: it&#8217;s absolutely rising in this shot; and it&#8217;s on the other side of what&#8217;s probably not meant to be the damned Ozarks.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s worth talking about this because\u2014pretending for the sake of simplicity that this is happening in the Maastrichtian Age\u2014the Rockies were a little less mountainous back then. They really didn&#8217;t exist at any altitude until the completion of the Laramide Orogeny, around fifty-five million years ago. So I&#8217;m not sure what the message is here; I just imagine that it contains the word <I>morons<\/I>.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd04.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>It&#8217;s funny because the titanosaur is sinking upwards of a metre into the mud; in fact, it should be sinking ten times that far.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>This is where I begin to get confused again. Unless we focus on the word <I>morons<\/I>\u2014then I&#8217;m just slightly annoyed that these people are getting paid for something. Because we shouldn&#8217;t be seeing titanosaurs in the Greater Las Vegas Metro Area. The farthest north into the continent that I can think of a titanosaur ever wandering would suggest that we&#8217;re looking at <I>Alamosaurus sanjuanensis<\/I>\u2014which, as the name might suggest, occupied the space between the Alamo and Puerto Rico.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd05.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>They might be Argentinian <I>Dreadnoughtus schrani<\/I>, since they&#8217;re suicidally dreadnautical.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p><I>Say the line&#8230;.<\/I><\/p>\n<p>&#8216;This thing doesn&#8217;t live in a swamp!&#8217;<\/p>\n<p><I>[mocking laughter ensues]<\/I><\/p>\n<p>Then we move over to see a flock of azhdarchids near what I&#8217;m convinced is the same little rock that&#8217;s a few metres south of the house I built in <I>ARK: Survival Evolved<\/I>. Last I looked at it, there was a cybernetic hadrosaur living on it. Because ARK.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd06.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Is it furry? Should an azhdarchid be furry?<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>But let&#8217;s move on through the Continent of Morons until we find something I could point out on a map: <I>Ankylosaurus magniventris<\/I>&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd07.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>I could walk to a place these have been found; they spanned from here in Denver up into Alberta.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And then we see a few more pterosaurs flying over what I almost hope the morons are pretending is the early aeons of the Grand Canyon.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd08.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>According to <I>Scorched Earth<\/I>, there are dragons living in a chasm just over that hill.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Having established that we&#8217;re sorta generally in the Canadian Puerto Rican area of Las Vegas, let&#8217;s go look at Outer Mongolia&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd09.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL><I>Oviraptor philoceratops<\/I>, which died out five million years before the end of the Cretaceous, and stuck largely to the other side of the planet.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Why in all of hell are we looking at an oviraptor? I mean&#8230;okay: it <I>could<\/I> be a caenagnathid; and, if we want it to be in the Canadian suburbs of Puerto Rico at the end of the Maastrichtian, we could imagine that it&#8217;s an <I>Anzu wyliei<\/I>. But then it eats an egg:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd10.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>This seems vaguely racist.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p><I>A.wyliei<\/I> were what we palaeontologists call Very, Very Small. Upwards of five feet in height. About the size of Ben Shapiro. So, here&#8217;s the problem: we&#8217;re in PuertoRicanada, and looking at some pretty tiny eggs. Which are in a cave. Which, unless that&#8217;s a <\/I>really<\/I> small <I>A.wyliei<\/I>, isn&#8217;t cannibalism: that animal didn&#8217;t produce those things. I&#8217;d like to try to narrow down what <I>did<\/I>, but PuertoRicanada&#8217;s a big place.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd11.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Oh, you bothersome morons&#8230;.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>So, at an educated guess, that&#8217;s an <I>Avaceratops lammersi<\/I>. Which is awesome, because you nailed its geography. It totally lived in the Judith River Formation. It just did it about a dozen million years ago.<\/p>\n<p>You can&#8217;t have <I>A.wyliei<\/I> and <I>A.lammersi<\/I> coexisting. It&#8217;s like having Taylor Swift meet an <I>Anoiapithecus brevirostris<\/I>.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/Anoiapithecusbrevirostris.jpg\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>That face you make when she writes a song complaining about you.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And then we wander off to the whole point of this idiocy, which is this:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd12.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>&#8216;Your insurance doesn&#8217;t cover cosmetic dentistry.&#8217;<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>I&#8230;dunno. It&#8217;s a hatchling. I think. It <I>might<\/I> be an infant <I>rex<\/I>, but its head is smaller than I&#8217;d expect at that age. It looks really tyrannosauroid though. I&#8217;d almost think it looks like an adolescent <I>Dryptosaurus aquilunguis<\/I> that&#8217;s in town, having swum across the inland sea from New Jersey. But what the hell ever: it&#8217;s probably a tarbosaur, here in PuertoRicanasia.<\/p>\n<p><I>EDIT: It&#8217;s reportedly a <\/I>Moros intrepidus<I>, like you&#8217;d see in Cenomanian Utah.<\/I><\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd13.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Generic Hadrosaur #3; it might get paid scale, or it might get paid scute.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>No idea.<\/p>\n<p><I>Some<\/I> idea. It&#8217;s an ornithischian; I think it&#8217;s an ornithopod; it&#8217;s probably a hadrosaur. Given this region of PuertoRicanasia, I&#8217;d think maybe <I>Edmontosaurus annectens<\/I>. Or it might be a hypsolophodont\u2014I dunno.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd14.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Oh what the entire hell&#8230;.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Okay: no. I&#8217;ve thought about it, and I&#8217;m saying No. You can&#8217;t\u2014that&#8217;s not\u2014it&#8217;s\u2014what is wrong with you stupid, stupid people&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>So, what we&#8217;re seeing here is, somewhat doubtlessly, a carcharodontosaurid. Probably not actually <I>Carcharodontosaurus saharicus<\/I> [guess which continent <I>that&#8217;s<\/I> from]; my first hunch would be <I>Concavenator corcovatus<\/I>, which it&#8217;ll look more like in a minute. But, ignoring all known science and instead imagining what morons would do, I wouldn&#8217;t be shocked to learn that it&#8217;s a <I>Giganotosaurus carolinii<\/I> and some major artistic licence.<\/p>\n<p>The problem with that is that <I>C.corcovatus<\/I> lived and died in Barremian Spain and <I>G.carolinii<\/I> was Patagonian\u2014it was found in Cenomanian Argentina.<\/p>\n<p>Neither of these animals should be stomping around the Maastrichtian anywhere near this thing:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd15.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL><I>Manospondylus gigas<\/I>\u2014Cope, 1892<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Hang on. Moderately stunned. Its hands aren&#8217;t all pronated. I need to know who slapped whom to get this on film.<\/p>\n<p>So, the presence of a <I>T.rex<\/I> narrows things down significantly. Because it coexisted in timespace with <I>A.magniventris<\/I> and <I>E.annectens<\/I>. So this is in fact the Maastrichtian, and it should be\u2014yeah: right around here. Denver. Maybe Wyoming. Possibly Montana. Potentially Alberta. But somewhere just north of my driveway, within a thousand miles.<\/p>\n<p>Which is nowhere near any known carcharodontosaurid. Which is a problem, because that&#8217;s the skull of a carcharodontosaurid:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd16.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>&#8216;I&#8217;m heading to Spain; I need about tree fiddy.&#8217;<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>But, this is a film of, by, and for morons, which hasn&#8217;t had an original idea since 1993.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd17.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>The people making these things have a perverted obsession with tyrannosaurid neckmeat.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s worth mentioning at this point that no carcharodontosaurid could ever kill a <I>T.rex<\/I>. But only because the carcharodontosaurid in question would be thirty million years old and less than spry at that age. Otherwise, if you could moron the two things together, I don&#8217;t doubt that the tyrannosaur would be exterminated. Carcharodontosaurs were immense. Potentially fifteen metres long and possibly fifteen tonnes. Based on looking at tyrannosaurs, they&#8217;re down around twelve metres in length; and, based on cross sections of their femurs, I&#8217;d be impressed if one got over maybe seventy-five hundred pounds.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m in the minority there: most palaeontologists will assure you that <I>T.rex<\/I> was seven tonnes, because it sounds neat; I&#8217;d tell you that it&#8217;s about three, and everyone&#8217;s drawing the thing way too robust.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway: tyrannosaurid neckmeat happens, and we&#8217;re about done with the Barremimainastrichtian Entire Damned Cretaceous.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd18.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL><I>What has been seen cannot be unseen&#8230;.<\/I><\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Except: a bug&#8217;s gotta land on a dead thing and try to suck blood out of it:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd19.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Your server is supposed to hand you the tyrannosaur upsidedown to illustrate that it doesn&#8217;t drip.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>One of the myriad problems known to exist in <I>Jurassic Park<\/I> is that no one ever finds a mosquito from the Mezozoic. There&#8217;s a whole thing where the motel clerk from <I>Planes, Trains, and Automobiles<\/I> rafts ashore in what I think is exactly the suit I have in black\u2014six on one thing; a couple thousand bucks back then. And he&#8217;s talking to the&#8230;guy. Call it Resetti; it might as well be. The problem is that the amber the guy&#8217;s mining for, in the area he&#8217;s mining for it in, is deeply Cenozoic. Or, really, shallowly Cenozoic. Go clone a mastodon.<\/p>\n<p>The whole conceit of <I>Diet Resident Evil<\/I> here is that InGen are cloning these things, albeit with sequence gaps filled in by Rana DNA, from amber containing mosquitoes of the Mesozoic. And it&#8217;s just not really a thing. The first instance of blood in a mosquito in amber on record happened this century, two decades after the first in a series of stupid films was released:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/first.time.evar.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>In this house, we acknowledge science; because there&#8217;s no need for belief when you can just look things up.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><br \/>\nAnd then we see what&#8217;s absolutely a carcharodontosaur that went extinct in the Lower Cretaceous walk away, being all concavenatorish.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd20.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>&#8216;I&#8217;m gonna go make <I>Fantasia<\/I> less scientifically accurate&#8230;.&#8217;<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And we dissolve into&#8230;uh&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd21.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>The fossil record shows that the helicopter first appeared a hundred and thirty million years after the damned Barremian.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Now we&#8217;re either in Modern Day; or finally to the end of the Maastrichtian; or possibly to the early Nineties.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd22.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>It&#8217;s like Mister DNA, but with more factual information<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>I have no idea what time it is. There&#8217;s a 1969 El Camino and a 1996 TransAm. All I can be sure of is that this is after we abandoned the Stanley Steamer.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd23.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>There might be a Pontiac Aztek; but we&#8217;ve decided as a group that the Aztek never existed.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Oh. Nevermind. It&#8217;s Modern Day:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd24.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>The <I>small<\/I> barrel of popcorn.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>So, enter Scarface:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd25.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Wait: is that thing fuzzy? It looks fuzzy to me.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t get why it&#8217;s fuzzy. I mean: I get why it <I>would<\/I> be fuzzy, like the one in the Maastrichtian was; but I don&#8217;t get why <I>this<\/I> one is fuzzy:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd26.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>You cloned a tyrannosaur that once fought a Barremian Carcharodontosaur; then the clone fought Aptian Dromaeosaurs. And you&#8217;re surprised that it&#8217;s cranky?<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Now it&#8217;s less fuzzy, but it&#8217;s still got the scars:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd27.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>There&#8217;s two of these things. This one hasn&#8217;t cut off one of its fingers to fool Hugh Jackman yet.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Okay, so&#8230;it <I>might<\/I> be roughly current year&#8230;I guess:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd28.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Who the hell runs <I>American Graffiti<\/I> with <I>Flash Gordon<\/I>? Like, next week they get <I>Jaws<\/I> and <I>Terms of Endearment<\/I>&#8230;.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And, Intermittently Fluffy Scarface wanders off into the night&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd29.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>&#8216;A rampaging TeeRex!!!1 Drive <I>toward<\/I> it!!!1&#8242;<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And we close on whichever Holiday Event has <I>this<\/I> moon in ARK:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd30.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>National Moron Week. You can survive by eating rocks.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And&#8230;what might be a threat:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/jd31.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>The mocking may be livestreamed&#8230;.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>And that&#8217;s <I>Jurassic Something: Dismal Moron Whatever<\/I>. To date. PlusMinus whatever the hell just happened, and probably some more inane dialogue like <I>You can&#8217;t just suppress sixty-five million years of gut instinct<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p>Okay. Here&#8217;s the thing about all this&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><I>Jurassic Park<\/I> came out in 1993. It was&#8230;bad. Like, the effects were groundbreaking; but that could be said of <I>TRON<\/I>. Beyond the visuals\u2014some of which were a smidge sketch\u2014there was&#8230;nothing. Nothing <I>good<\/I>, anyway. Yeah: most people who saw it back then were kids, because that&#8217;s who it was made for; but look at it again now, magically understanding that you were wrong back then. It&#8217;s terrible. There&#8217;s this whole stupid nadaplot about the ceratopians not eating berries that just&#8230;why. I don&#8217;t care that the novel showed that they were tranquing themselves, foraging for gastroliths; I care that the film burned too many minutes dismissing all that, yet keeping the pointless setup. Imagine a film having someone announce that he was gonna make spaghetti; cut to a stove; a guy saunters in and mumbles that <I>that is one big pan of water<\/I> to I guess the fourth wall; then the other guy stands up from looking in the cupboard and mentions that, in fact, he doesn&#8217;t own any spaghetti. Well, that&#8217;s fine: let&#8217;s spielberg off to the next scene, unaccountably leaving the spaghetti culdesac in the final print. No one would ever do that. Because no one would ever care.<\/p>\n<p>The whole film is Admiral Holdo bumbling around being Best Victim Evar, blathering about defensive plants which really aren&#8217;t the immediate issue. She&#8217;s like someone who classes up into a cocktail party and beleaguers everyone with tales of getting to drive the garbagetruck. She&#8217;s only there because the Best Palaeontologist on the Planet was in proximity to her after accusing velociraptors of living in Montana and learning how to fly; then a guy dressed as the lunchlady has to offer her a ticket to outside opinionate on something even more exciting than a petting zoo.<\/p>\n<p>She didn&#8217;t return for the first sequel; she got replaced by Jodie Foster&#8217;s replacement so Goldblum could wax snarky in the regrettable absence of a laughtrack for a couple hours while Toby Ziegler makes mactivistic excuses for all his technology sucking. The best thing I can say about <I>The Lost World<\/I> is that I can&#8217;t figure out who Williams plagiarised for the score, so it wasn&#8217;t very good.<\/p>\n<p><I>Jurassic Park III<\/I> launches the tradition of just appending a number onto the end of an abandoned waste of celluloid\u2014albeit the classy Roman Numeral version which&#8230;I honestly can&#8217;t remember if they pulled the animated slashy thing from <I>ElmStreet Whichever<\/I>, or just made it all rippy so you&#8217;d <I>remember<\/I> it that way. Anyway: there&#8217;s a rearprojection parasail and the guy who falls down the stairs in the remake of <I>Psycho<\/I>. And a spinosaur. Sorta.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/spinosaur.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>This might be the latest version; it expires at midnight.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Then we give up for a decade and a half, until we get StarLord and a chick who&#8217;d be attractive if you didn&#8217;t know she contained Clint Howard DNA.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/clinthoward.jpg\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>Science says your kids will look like this.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Oh. And an <I>I.rex<\/I>. Whatever that was. <I>Imbecilic rex<\/I>, I think. A theropod which &#8216;is part raptor&#8217;\u2014not unlike an owl.<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"http:\/\/gremlin.net\/images\/blogue\/20211123\/woodsy.jpg\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL>But mercifully invisible.<\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>Followed by <I>Jurassic Ana to the Infinite Power<\/I>, about a cloned kid who presses a button and laserpointers telling a carcharadromabelisuchothingy to eat people you&#8217;re aiming a gun at.<\/p>\n<p>And now we&#8217;ve got <I>Jurassic Park: He Turns Himself into a Pickle<\/I>, because filming a Hallmark Card would outsmart the demographic. It&#8217;s of, by, and for morons.<\/p>\n<p>And that&#8217;s what I know. That&#8217;s what I can divine from the information I&#8217;ve been handed. A globetrotting trailer DoctorWhoing around to different geological ages, possibly all within the Cretaceous, because CG Artists are now cheaper than Writers.<\/p>\n<p>I doubt it&#8217;ll make more than a couple billion dollars in China, once the dialogue is replaced with whatever motivates those people.<\/p>\n<p>Have a webcomic:<\/p>\n<p><CENTER><IMG SRC=\"https:\/\/www.stickprimo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/2021-11-23-work-before-injuries.png\" WIDTH=\"100%\"><BR><SMALL><I>I got a new trackball today and it&#8217;s really stiff, if you wanna try to keep some of your blood inside your skin for a couple extra minutes.<\/I><\/SMALL><\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p>More later&#8230;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I know: I&#8217;ve been away again. No huge reason for it, except that I&#8217;ve been really busy this year. Well&#8230;not really busy\u2014I&#8217;ve probably been less active than the average tollbooth worker operating part time. But I&#8217;ve had a lot going on, and little of it was adding anything to this site. Then, today, something happened&#8230;. <a class=\"view-article\" href=\"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/2021\/11\/23\/continent-of-morons\/\">View Article<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":258,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorised"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=194"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":256,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194\/revisions\/256"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/258"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gremlin.net\/blogue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}