I think my favourite of them so far is the one where PlanetX is going to end all life on Earth in eleven months.
You know PlanetX: that's where Marvin the Martian was from. Even though he was a martian. And they usually come from Mars.
So PlanetX is coming. And Duck Dodgers can't save us this time. Because Earth is made of iron, so PlanetX is causing all sorts of problems here.
Am I really supposed to care about this?
Strangely enough, the solution to the PlanetX problem doesn't appear to involve deities. Instead, you're supposed to go someplace like Denver, because everything else will be destroyed by tidal waves next May. And we know that, because the last time the planet was destroyed, thirty-one hundred years ago, people warned us that it would happen again.
Between this goofy Thundarr the Barbarian ragnarok scheme, and the Mayans' eerie habit of dropping the starchart only a few millennia after their extinction, I suppose it's pretty clear that the end of the world is nigh. Not because anything really bad is going to happen, but because people are only happy when they get to believe that they're all about to die.
11th September 2002 is coming up pretty soon. There should be a few tragedies at that point. Lemee inset the results of the poll so far....
|
What Sort of Catastrophe Can We Expect to Occur on 11th September 2002? |
0.01% |
Another terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre |
4.6% |
A terrorist attack on something else |
95.39% |
Every television station on Earth will broadcast file footage of 11th September 2001 for at least seventy-two hours straight |
Source: |
SuperSecret gremlin.net poll of everyone but you |
Of course, this would probably be something more appropriate for the National Prevaricator, but we never get that finished, so it's not there.
Although....
I may have an idea for that. I've had the idea for about five seconds now, so I don't have all the details worked out yet. But...the only reason we've ever considered the Prevaricator to be a weekly thing is because I arbitrarily set it up that way. I also arbitrarily set the thing at thirty-two pages per issue. And if there was any particular reason for any of this arbitration, I've forgotten what it was now.
I suppose it could just fill up as news happens. Or, really, as we think this shit up. There's no real reason we have to wait for thirty-two pages of stuff to be written, developed into a certain format, and so on. We don't do that here at gremlin.net, or at EvilCoffeeChick.com, or NewsoftheStoopid.com, or anywhere else in the Grempire. And the new NP format would allow for spur-of-the-moment impulse updates.
I'd have to make a couple of slight changes to the coding, but I think it would work.
There: it's settled. I'll get to that in a minute. Click on the National Prevaricator link and start reloading it incessantly; there should be something new there pretty soon.
Speaking of updates, I added a FAQ again. I'm sure there will be more questions soon.
Okay, I'll go set up the Prevaricator now.
More later....
--Gremlin