Posted by Seraphina22 [204.116.150.57 - HPPAV] on 31 May 2003 at 22.29.44 ZuluTime:

In Reply to: Back to being a Christian again? -nt- posted by Hunter on 31 May 2003 at 07.55.43 ZuluTime:

I suppose that question is in reference to the Bible verse I posted? If so, I'm sure you realize that it was from the Old Testament, because I'm confident that a knowledgeable chick like you would recognize something that obvious. If not, then please be more specific. If you people had payed more attention to what I was saying and spent less time trying to make me look like an idiot, you would remember that even though I don't profess to be a "Christian," I'm not yet ready to fully discredit Christianity either. You know, you and I aren't all that different in our ways of thinking. You've considered the options and weighed the evidence, or lack thereof, and you've made your conclusions. I'm still considering the options. The fact is, I have a great deal of respect for most religions. It just so happens that I know more about Christianity than any of the others. We all have to make choices in our lives based on our own personal experiences, values, yadda, yadda, yadda. At one time in my life, I would have been very judgemental towards people with your beliefs. In fact, at one time in my life, I was very judgemental towards ALOT of people. But I have since then been brought down and forced to become humble. I have done things that I swore I'd never do, including most everything I've ever criticized others for. In essence, I have become the object of my every contempt, including, at one point, an atheist. Now the most recent example of this came 2 weeks ago when I decided that I wanted to kill myself. (I know, I know, poor, pitiful me..) This came after a year long spiritual drought, where I had abandoned all hope that there was a "God" and had ceased trying to pray or believe. I tried various other things to fill the emptiness I felt as a result of the loss of the faith that made me whole. Nothing could quite do the trick. So, it happened as I planned my impending death, that I was overcome with the idea that I should give it one more try before I gave up. I began to pray again, and I prayed fervently for "God" to show His presence and "save" me from myself. I won't go into the details that would undoubtedly be attributed to an episode of lobal epilepsy anyway, but I believe that He did that. Now if this belief makes me weak, then so be it. I'm alive. If it takes this lobal epilepsy syndrome to give me hope and motivate me to keep pressing on, then so be it. Keep those episodes coming. The bottom line is, despite what each of us thinks we know, despite what we have been able to prove, disprove, can't prove, don't want to prove, etc...The truth is that none of us knows for sure that what we believe is real or true. I think that's something we can all agree on. And despite the steel and resolve that most of us appear to possess, I believe that deep within all of us is a fear that maybe, just maybe, what we believe is wrong. But anyway. I guess I've rambled on long enough. I'm sure those of you reading this will totally discredit all of it by asserting that I'm a fraud or that it's a "Strawman" or that I'm a "LARPing" troll. (Pardon me if I misuse any of the terms, it's all new to me.) And well, that's fine too. I have nothing to gain or lose through your opinion of me, because in spite of my lack of certainty in just who or what this "God" that I so desperately want to exist really is, I'm almost 100% certain that it's not you. Cheers.

"You have to believe in gods to see them." -- Hopi Indian saying