Posted by Gremlin [24.9.24.54 - c-24-9-24-54.client.comcast.net] on 19 November 2003 at 21.30.14 ZuluTime:

From: Shawn Casey [support@goldwares.com]
Date: 19 November 2003 03:33
To: Gremlin [gremin@gremlin.net]
Subject: Gremlin, I thought they were going to kill me

"Mild Mannered Atlanta Man Forced To Scramble For
     Cash As Armed Deperados Menacingly Draw Their Pistols..."
     Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people; but I've got the pistols, so I'll take the pesos; that seems fair....

From the Desk of Shawn Casey
     Who are you?

Gremlin,
     What.

Thank God it was just a dream...but what would I do if it really happened?
     Thank Zeus that it was a vision?

Here's what I'm talking about.
     I was hoping one of us would know this....

Eight nights ago, my wife, Pat, shook me awake and asked, "What's wrong?
     A) 'Pat' is short for 'Patrick'
     B) Shawn Casey appears to believe in deities
     C) It takes Shawn Casey eight days to get this far into an EMail
     D) All of the above

You've been yelling out in your sleep...talking about GUNS!"
     I know what Freud would say....

Like I said, thank God it was only a dream.
     And thank Odin it wasn't about the chicks throwing little pickles again.

I remember it like a movie.
     If my dreams were written, directed, and edited like most films, I'd be so bored that I'd never wake up again.

We were watching Letterman when all of a sudden...
     Paul Shaffer took his clothes off!

Three armed desperados burst through our front door and starting screaming at us and waving guns in our faces.
     You're a werewolf. Expect recurring visits from Griffin Dunne.

The leader grabbed me, dragged me into my office and got right in my face with his pistol under my chin to make sure I understood his every word.
     Your learning curve relies on the placement of guns?

He got straight to the point in a menacing voice I'll never forget:
     'You will be visited by three ghosts tonight, Scrooge....'

"I'm sick and tired of you fancy pants Internet gurus going on and on about how easy it is to make money on the Internet.
     Particularly by spamming strangers about it.

I'm worn out from empty promises.
     And from haunting every spammer on the 'net.

I'm just not going to take it any more.
     No: we ain't gonna take it; we're not gonna take it, anymore....

So I'm here now to find out if you really can do what you claim or you're just full of hot air like all the others.
     Yes, it's true: I can beat Resident Evil: Dead Aim without a GameShark. And without a GunCon2.

Here's how what we're going to do:
     We're going to learn English, and then....

My friends are going to guard your family.
     This may be a violation of USCode 18.875.

You and I are going to get online and you're going to show me that I can make money as easily as you claim.
     Robert Englund, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge.

You have 48 hours to make me a thousand bucks.
     Okay, let's see. a thousand bucks, divided by forty-eight, is under twenty-one bucks an hour; materials cost on dried parsley and ziplocs is approximately nil; I should be able to sell one for fifty bucks in less than two hours to any given moron in Denver. Not a problem.

Otherwise, you can kiss your family goodbye."
     So it's basically a win-win situation....

That's when my wife woke me up.
     Just as it was getting good....

But the dream stayed with me and kept gnawing at me.
     'Ay there's the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause....'

So, I decided to prove once and for all that you really can do this - make a thousand bucks as fast as 48 hours.
     It's not difficult; I could do that in telemarketing.

Here's how I did it:
     By bleaching a one dollar bill and laserprinting a jpeg of a thousand dollar bill on it?

http://www.marketingpromo.com/1119c.htm
     I hate people who charge a thousand bucks per hyperlink....

Gremlin, you're going to be astounded by what I was able to pull off.
     You genespliced Debbie Gibson and a Barbie Doll, creating Britney Spears?

I decided to challenge some top Internet marketers to get even more proof that it was possible to do this.
     Let's get ready to stumble.

In all, fifteen incredibly smart and successful guys like Jeff Paul, Dr. Joe Vitale, Mike Glaspie and Marc Goldman took this challenge.
     Incredibly smart and successful guys like those, huh....

And I figuratively tied their hands behind their backs and put a gun in their face.
     And they figuratively didn't take your gun away and shoot you with it?

You see, I took away all shortcuts they'd normally use like an in-house email list.
     Pity no one did this to you....

They could keep their knowledge, but they had to start from scratch just like any average member of John Q. Public.
     So their knowledge base equates to that of any given janitor?

These experts took this challenge very seriously and delivered incredible detailed plans showing exactly what how they would make their thousand bucks.
     'Shawn Casey had a dream? This is serious!'

I've compiled all their responses into a new ebook titled "Desperate For Money: When You Absolutely, Positively Must Make Money Right Now!"
     So it's an autobiography....

What does this mean for you?
     That plotlines are optional in novels.

For the first time, you can grab 15 detailed blueprints that you can simply copy and follow.
     Not true. I use blueprints all the time when I'm building things in LightWave.

You can duplicate these experts' exact steps and, since you're not limited to 48 hours, who knows how much you can make?
     Whoa. Good point. Given a month, I could make a thousand bucks just in interest, without ever doing a damned thing; you talked me into remaining a slacker....

Grab your copy of "Desperate For Money" right now!
     Yeah; here's a book I can't wait to go read at a restaurant....

http://www.marketingpromo.com/1119c.htm
     This again....

Yours in success,
     The Thousand Dollar Man

Shawn Casey
     I still have no idea who this guy is....

P.S. As you've probably guessed by now, I'm obsessed with giving you every chance to succeed online.
     I'd guessed you were obsessed with something, anyway....

With the launch of "Desperate For Money", I've made it easier than ever.
     Right. A thousand bucks in forty-eight hours, minus however much this book costs, minus the time wasted in readng it....

Download "Desperate For Money" today and get ready for the ride of your life!
     Anyone who's ever ridden in my car knows that 'the ride of my life' is an unsubstantiated hyperbole.

http://www.marketingpromo.com/1119c.htm
     This guy is a walking RonCo advert....

To stop further mailings or to change your details, click on this link:
     http://getresponse.com/r?y=MTY0MTM0L2dyZW1saW5AZ3JlbWxpbi5uZXQvMC8=
     I did that the last time you spammed me with something like this. You owe me five hundred bucks. Plus five hundred from the first time. Try to get me my thousand bucks within, say, forty-eight hours; then you won't be a fraud after all....