Posted by Baron Greenback [216.54.16.204 - ip-216-54-16-204.coxfiber.net] on 19 November 2003 at 23.54.13 ZuluTime:

In Reply to: Pornspammed... for the last time posted by Baron Greenback on 18 November 2003 at 19.07.22 ZuluTime:

Well, it seems I just became popular with the ladies. Or at least it seemed. See, the last time I recieved a letter from Vanessa, it was from Lil04willow@aol.com . This time, of course, she decided to play a dirty trick on me. Normally, of course, it wouldn't matter. Normally letters like this never grace my eyesight. Normally, I have more to do during the day than decorate No Smoking signs with cherries from the ends of my cigarettes. Oh, who am I kidding. I never really have more to do than that. So, here's what JRREBEL2000@aol.com had to say to me...

Whats up sexy man!! It's me again, Vanessa. I sent you a message a
     little bit ago. You know that i am still single, right?. If you would like
     to check out some pictures of me, my friend got some posted on a site
     for me. You can find em here
     http://ultimatepersonals.biz/onlinecheatingwives/100064.html. Hope you
     can get back with me soon. Talk to you later XOXO :)

Not to be confused with RaptorsDelite@aol.com, who informed me

Whats up sexy man!! It's me again, Vanessa. I sent you a message a
     little bit ago. You know that i am still single, right?. If you would like
     to check out some pictures of me, my friend got some posted on a site
     for me. You can find em here
     http://ultimatepersonals.biz/onlinecheatingwives/100064.html. Hope you
     can get back with me soon. Talk to you later XOXO :)

What manner of madness is this?! A planet where Vanessas evolved from Men? I rushed to my Yahoo Messenger, opened it up, and my heart was shattered into a million shards of gothic dismay and tears. She had not, in fact, messaged me. The mysterious vanessa was playing games with my heart, and possibly my liver. I had to end this.

From willie_ghetam_and_how@yahoo.com
     To whome it may concern, especially the entity known as "Vanessa",

It has come to our attention that you are harassing our client. In addition, it seems that someone has poisoned his St. Bernard, and as you are the only human contact he has had in the last eight months, we are afraid we must inform you that you are to have no further dealings with mister William S Preston, Esq.

In addition, it seems you have attempted to "Hack", wherebye we mean obtain unlawful use of, mister Preston's computer, by means of using three different names to mail the same client. We checked with a Computer Expert at the local Radio Shack, and aside from helping us obtain three spiffy new sprint phones and a Mickey Mouse that lights up and plays steamboat willy every time someone sneezes, he was able to ascertain the facts presented here.

Please cease and desist your unwelcome advances, you sexual predator, or we will be forced to bring "justice to tombstone".

Regards,