Happy New Year....

Should all the lyrics be forgot
We can all just hum along
Cos ev'rybody knows the tune
But nobody knows the song....

Anyway....
So it's a new year. Again. Okay: it's not; it's nine in the morning on 31st December 2002; but it's close enough.
On the bright side, I've got all sorts of news here....
First and most obviously, of course: Version Thirteen is online. You probably caught that part without my help. And, at about the same time, you may have noticed that V13 isn't as dark as Versions Two through Twelve [Version One was a total mess--partly because my computer was set up, back then, to force all the colours to white text on a black background, regardless the settings in the sourcecode, so I didn't notice right away that I'd forgotten to force the colours in the sourcecode of Version One; I noticed it after a couple of weeks when I saw the site on a different computer, and hurried home to fix the damned thing; the fix was severe enough to be considered Version Two; and yes: I realise that parenthetical remarks aren't supposed to make up entire paragraphs, but I don't care]. Why is V13 not as dark as Versions Two through Twelve? Well...partly because the BGCOLOR is forced to #FFFFFF and the TEXT is forced to #000000. Other than that, there's no really major reason, except that the 3D effect didn't look as good casting a shadow onto a black background. So V13 isn't all that dark. And, again, you may have noticed that without my help.
Meanwhile, I updated the index.html again. No: this isn't actually Terminator3.com; I'd like to think that gremlin.net might have a better plotline than this unnecessary film is going to have. To which end, I decided that Deus ex Machina was a more appropriate subtitle than Rise of the Machines. Even if, on a technicality, the two subtitles are overwhelmingly similar in definition.
Meanwhile also, while the index.html is no longer advertising deadache.com, it has nothing to do with deadache.com dying out. On the contrary: I've got everything worked out, screentested, and processed through various quantum mechanics now, and it's going to work. Which is to say that, once I build a few gigabytes of virtual sets and characters and props, everything will be functional, and should render fairly quickly.
And we're still looking for people to do voices.
Regarding voices, though: a friend of a friend of a friend of a guy who once accidentally called someone's cat's roommate's pager by misdialing PizzaSlut's number...or something; I'm bad with synergies...is in the right place at the right time to pitch the show to various people in Hollywood. Specifically actors. So, if that all works out, we could have a few household names involved in this brainless project. Which is, I suppose, what should happen with a pseudotelevision show.
I won't bother naming names [although the cat's name was Stumpy, if memory serves], since nothing's actually confirmed yet. If it works out, then you'll hear about it soon enough.
In yet other news: the concert the other night was actually pretty good. For those who missed it [judging from the crowd, not many people did], one of the things I'm currently falling behind on by writing this What's New is getting some snaps uploaded to HellhoundRecords.com. Meanwhile, the guy who was filming the video is getting me a digital copy of the raw footage [you'll be seeing some of that worked into a video on Mtv pretty soon] so I can get something a little more kinetic uploaded as well.
For the moment, though, go ahead and hit the site. I'm still finishing it up, but it has music now. And that's always a good thing....
Incidentally, I have no idea when these guys are playing live again [I'm not sure anyone has yet], but, whenever that happens, wherever you are, make an effort to see it. This is one of those Alice Cooper/Gwar/Pink Floyd/KISS/Manson bands which actually have something worth watching, and not just something to listen to.
Huh. I thought I had more news than that....
I bought a new capuccino machine last night. That's not exactly news, but I'm pretty pleased about it. Particularly the part where, unlike the one I replaced by buying it, this one hasn't got a decade of mould trapped in it. Yet.
Oh yeah: more interestingly, I bought a new Hi8 camcorder to replace the one some idiot broke into my car to steal five years ago. And if you remember that happening, you might actually remember Version One of this site. In which case: sorry; I'm better at this now, though.
Anyway: the important part of this is that, after five years, I'll finally be able to play back the film [with the obvious exception of the cassette which was in the camcorder when it was stolen] I haven't been able to watch since 1997. Or, really, once I figure out where I put the cassettes which didn't get stolen in 1997, I'll be able to play them back. And, having played them back, I'll grab some of this stuff into the computer and smash it into something webcastable [sure it's a word] for the site.
It probably won't be today. But, whenever I find them, I'll see what I can do.
And now, it's time once again for:

Spam of the Day
Yes: Spam of the Day.
I used to do this sort of thing a lot. Then I stopped. I'm not sure why. But: by officially having Spam of the Day, I A) get daily content whether I have anything to say or not, and B) get to counterattack these utter fucking morons who collectively send me about a hundred uninteresting, unnecessary, and unsolicited little suckbytes a day.
You probably have some vague idea what I'm on about, without further explanation. If not: A) lucky you, except B) you therefore have no immunity built up against what's about to happen to you in the next paragraph....

From: newcareer@myexcel.com To: Undisclosed-Recipient:; Date: 30 December 2002 Subject: Hello My Fellow American   Hello My Fellow American, You have no idea who you just EMailed, have you....   First... We want to wish you and your families a prosperous 2003. Wish away; it won't help....   Second... This mail is being sent to share some important information that you may find helpful in the new year. That myexcel.com owe me five hundred bucks for illegally spamming me?   VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ COMPLETELY BEFORE MAKING ANY CONCLUSIONS! Or what?   A LITTLE BACK GROUND STORY. Which can be found on the other side of the Little House Story from the Little Front Ground Story....   We represent a company that's looking for new representatives. People who are open to new opportunities that can help generate additional to serious income from home on a part time to full time basis. Lemee see if I've got this. You represent a company which are looking for new representatives...apparently meaning People Who Can Spam Potential New Representatives; and, in a seemingly unrelated sentence, people, who are open to new opportunities, that can help generate additional, to serious, income, from home, on a part time, to full time, basis. Now...is a prior grasp of basic English required to fill these myriad, unrelated, positions, or can I earn as I learn here?   In 1984 the long-distance industry (AT&T and The Regional Bell Monopolies) were deregulated by our government, which was about a $60-billion dollar industry at that time and is today worth about $120-billion dollars annually. The result of that deregulation's process was more competition within the industry thereby improving services and rates structures for consumers today... and ultimately an opportunity for those who participated to reap tremendous profits. Over 500 companies entered the fray and one of them was Excel Communications in 1984. Uh-huh. Now, to clarify: in 1984, the long-distance industry [AT&T and The Regional Bell Monopolies, Inc. (I'm guessing, by the capitalisation of 'the')] were deregulated by your government; your government was about a sixty dollar, minus a billion dollars, industry at that time. Today, your government is annually worth about a hundred and twenty bucks, minus a billion dollars. That deregulation's process was more competition within the industry, thereby improving services and rates; structures for consumers today...and, ultimately, an opportunity, for those who participated, to reap tremendous profits. Meanwhile, over five hundred companies entered the fray; one of them was, in 1984, Excel Communications.   Today, Excel is the 4th largest full service, facilities based communications company in the U.S.; using word of mouth relationship marketing through independent representatives, rather than expensive traditional advertising. In less than eight years (1996), Excel reached $1.4-billion dollars and the youngest U.S. company (or any company in the world) to have ever reached the $1-billion dollar mark. It took Microsoft 15 years and 22 years for McDonalds to do the same. Excel was also the youngest company to have ever been accepted to trade on the prestigious New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) in it's 203 year history (Microsoft applied, was denied and ended up on NASDAQ). Today, Excel along with VarTec Communications, Inc., it's new parent company is the largest privately held communications company in the world with annual revenues close to $3-billion dollars. Excel's success records are the envy of the industry and has created many independent representatives who became financially independent and multi-millionaires. Right.... Okay: Today, Excel is the fourth largest full service [where it ranks in partial services is unknown]; facilities based communications company in the US [why facilities based communications company in the US is a mystery]; using word of mouth relationship marketing through independent representatives [spamming], rather than expensive traditional advertising...and then the sentence just...ends. In less than eight years [one thousand, nine hundred, ninety six of them, in fact], Excel reached a buck forty, minus a billion dollars, and the youngest US company [alternatively known as any company in the world] to have ever reached the one dollar, minus a billion dollar, mark. It took Microsoft and McDonald's fifteen years plus twenty-two years to do the same...which is still less than the four score plus seven years it took Lincoln to get round to addressing Gettysburg. Excel was also the youngest company to have ever been accepted to trade on the prestigious New York Stock Exchange [the NYSE, presuming that anyone reading this shit, at this point, is too dumb to know what the NYSE is] in it is two hundred three year history [Microsoft applied, was denied, and ended up on NASDAQ, which is an acronym for something no one at Excel happens to know]. Today, Excel, along with VarTec Communications, Inc., it is new parent company is the largest, privately, held communications company, in the world, with annual revenues close to three bucks, minus a billion dollars. Excel's success records are the envy of the industry, and they has created many independent representatives, who became financially independent, and multi-millionaires. Still, Intro to English was out of their range.   THE NEW OPPORTUNITY. There's a new one? I just read all that for nothing?   The 1996 Telecom-Act passed by the U.S. government was the second phase of the deregulation's trend in the telecom-industry. The new law now requires that Regional Bell Operating Companies (RBOC) open their local phone service monopolies to competition. The local phone service industry in the U.S. is today estimated around $500-billion dollars annually and that 99% is still held by the incumbent companies like SBC, QWEST, VERIZON, etc... Industry gurus are projecting that increased competition will dramatically benefit all consumers at large and will result in the largest re-distribution of wealth in the U.S. Um.... The nineteen ninety-six Telecom, minus Act, passed by the US government, was the second phase of the deregulation's trend in the telecom, minus industry. The new law now requires that Regional Bell Operating Companies [RBOC] open their local phone service monopolies to competition. The local phone service industry, in the US, is, today, annually, estimated around five hundred bucks, minus a billion dollars, and, that ninety-nine percent is, stil, held by the incumbent companies, like SBC, QWEST, VERIZON, and other strange acronyms. Industry gurus are projecting that increased competition will, dramatically, benefit all consumers-at-large [?!?], and will result in the largest re-distribution of wealth in the US.   In April 2002, Excel began offering local phone service to compete against the incumbent local phone companies and will be available in over 90% of the U.S. by the 1st quarter of 2003. Excel will be providing the same local phone service (same phone number, dial tone and tech-support) as the traditional local phone companies. Excel will be offering three calling plans that have bundled calling features like 3-way calling, caller ID, call waiting along with long distance rates as low as 3.9 cents per minute for in-state and state-to-state calls 24/7. In addition, an Excel local phone customer will be able to call other Excel local phone customers for free-24/7 who are subscribed on the Friends-R-Free Program... that means FREE Long Distance when calling others who are on Excel's Friends-R-Free program nationwide. Ouch. In April 2002, Excel began offering local phone service to compete. Whether compete accepted the offer is unknown. Against the incumbent, local, phone companies, and will be available, in over ninety percent of the US, by the first quarter of 2003. Excel will be providing the same, local, phone service as the traditional, local, phone companies [same phone number at which the traditional, local, phone companies can be reached; same dial tone you hear when the same tech support miss the HOLD button]. Excel will be offering three calling plans [so supplies are obviously limited] that did bundle calling features, like three-way calling, caller identification, call, waiting, along with long, distance, rates as low as 3.9 cents per minute, for in-state, and state-to-state, calls; 24/7=3.4285714. In division. In addition, 24/7 does not. Also in addition, an Excel local, phone customer will be able to call other Excel local, phone customers, for free, minus 3.4285714, who are subscribed, on, the Fiends [Friends, minus R], minus Free, Programme...That means FREE, Long Distance, when calling others, who are on Excel's Fiends, minus Free, programme, nationwide.   WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN TO YOU? That you don't speak English as a First Obstacle?   We are searching for new representatives who wish to capture their share of the $500-billion dollar now-deregulated local phone service industry. If you missed the windows of opportunities from the computer boom, long-distance deregulation, the dot-com boom or any other recent boom... DON'T MISS the deregulation's of the Local Phone Monopolies. Excel is the only communications company today who is nationally licensed to provide local phone service. Excel is implementing it's proven marketing systems to capture a major share of this huge industry. We are on track to become a $10-billion dollar company by 2005 because of our profit sharing marketing system through independent representatives... using relationship, word of mouth... viral marketing. Fucking hell.... We are searching for new representatives, who wish to capture their share, of the five hundred bucks, minus a billion dollars, now-deregulated, local, phone, service industry. If you missed the windows, of opportunities, from, the computer boom, long-distance deregulation, the dot, minus com, boom, or, any other, recent boom--for example, the boom in which you charge spammers five hundred bucks per offence...DON'T MISS the deregulation's of the Local, Phone Monopolies. Excel is the only, communications company, today, who is, nationally, licenced, to provide local, phone service. Excel is implementing; it is proven, marketing systems, to capture a major [or, even, a sergeant-major]; share of this, huge industry. We are on crack. Oh. We are on track, to become a ten dollars, minus a billion dollars, company, by 2005, because, of our profit, sharing, marketing system, through independent representatives. Using relationship, word of mouth. Viral marketing. And other fragmentary mumblings.   IMAGINE getting paid month after month, year after year because someone has a phone, makes long-distance calls, logs on the net, get's a pager, has a cell-phone or a website. IMAGINE getting a residual income from your efforts and the efforts of many others who are signing-up their friends, neighbors, co-workers on Excels services. IMAGINE partnering with a multi-billion dollar, multi-national company who will allow you to participate in their global expansion and earn unlimited income... because deregulation's is now opening up the Canadian, European and soon Asia markets. It's almost over.... IMAGINE getting paid, month, after month, year, after year, decade, after decade, century, after century, millennium, after millennium, and spam, after spam, because, someone has a phone, makes long-distance call, logs, on the net, get is a pager, has a cell, minus phone, or, a website. IMAGINE getting a residual income, from your efforts, and the effort of, many, others, who are signing, minus up, their friends, neighbours, co-workers, on, does Excel, services. IMAGINE partnering with a multi-billion dollar, multi-national, multi-hyphenated company, who will allow you to participate, in their global expansion, and, earn unlimited income. Because deregulation, is, is now opening up the Canadian, opening up the European, and soon opening up the markets of Asia [deregulation will not, it appears, be opening up any Asians].   If any of this intrigues you, then CLICK HERE. I don't recommend that....   You can also visit the following sites for more information: About what?   Watch a "Defining Moment" corporate history review. Fascinating....   Attend a LIVE corporate overview in our online conference room:  www.fast1k.com Fast One? As in Pull a...over on You?   Visit our Personal Excel HomeSite:  www.excelir.com/millionairemaker You misspelled elixir....   REMEMBER... SHOUTING MAKES BULLSHIT SPAM MORE TRUE.   "OPPORTUNITIES NEVER GO AWAY... THEY ARE TAKEN BY THOSE WITH VISION TO SEE IT and THE COURAGE TO SEIZE IT."    Bill Gates CAPSLOCKS NEVER GO AWAY...THEY ARE TAKEN BY THOSE WITH VISION TO SEE IT and UNSUSPECTED CONJUNCTIONS.    newcareer@myexcel.com   WE INVITE YOU TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER EXCEL AND OUR TEAM AS YOUR FINANCIAL VEHICLE FOR 2003. I'm oddly tempted by this. When the IRS come round, asking for money, I'll mention that, judging from the initial advert, it's possible that someone at Excel made a teeny, tiny booboo with the figures....     Thank you for your time and our best regards in your NEW YEAR. How'd you know I had my own new year?   Ramon & Diane Santa Ana Senior Director - National Training Director Independent Representative  Excel / Vartec Communications Full Time 10 Years - Six figure income earner Call toll free: 1-877-370-7799 newcareer@myexcel.com Get a NEW CAREER AT: www.jobsucks.com   We sincerely apologize if you received this email in error. It wasn't in error; you spammed me with malice aforethought. Our lead source informed us that you were interested in receiving information about home-based-business opportunities. And what, again, was your lead source's name and EMail address? To Opt-Out, simply CLICK HERE and Reply with "PLEASE REMOVE" on the Subject Line  Mind if I change the ?subject preset? >:) We will remove you from our mailing list within 24 hours. It's a little late for that, don't you think?

Speaking of Engrish morons, I did have one final little morsel of news.
See SciFiStarSystem.com for more information.
>:)
More later....
--Gremlin